The corner of my eye…

Why can’t I go to that place out of the corner of my eye? I see you there, but you’re not here. And I dream of you, but I know it’s not real. I just want to go to that one place where you are. I miss you, and my heart is broken.

I’ve lost so many of my fur babies over the years. I’ve lost close family. They all hurt, and I always feel like I’ll never be whole again. And really, I won’t. I’ll get used to the pain. It will be there always, waiting for an unexpected moment to remind me of all I’ve lost. When I’m grieving, I grieve for all of them. Every time I hurt, I miss them all.

I can’t begin to describe how much this hurts. I’ve actually been told, “What’s the big deal? People die.” And yes, that’s true. But if you feel that way, be glad it’s not someone close to you, that you haven’t felt that kind of loss that you know you’ll be feeling forever and ever. Be glad it hasn’t happened to you. But if you have ever loved someone you can’t imagine life without, you know. It’s something you don’t get over. You feel it with every fiber of your being. The pain and emptiness are all-encompassing.

I know time will dull the edges, and I’ll be able to think again of other things. I’ll be able to love someone again. But not now. I’m burying myself in fictional worlds, because fictional pain hurts less than this. But I’ll survive. Because they would want me to.

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